Wednesday, 8 June 2016

Do I regret shaving my head?

People keep on asking me if I regret shaving my hair off and since my "pro's and cons" post is still getting hundreds of views every week I thought I'd write a follow up with some answers. I had my head shaved for four months before I decided I wanted to grow it out again. It doesn't seem like a long time, but honestly I have changed since then and having a buzzcut had a lot to do with it.

When I first cut all of my hair off I was struggling with my identity. I was bored with my look and didn't know what I wanted to wear most of the time. I shaved it with the hopes of finding and reinventing my style, but it wasn't as instantaneous as I had hoped.
I've blogged about the fight I had with my mental health last year and I think my identity struggle was a reflection of that. I continued to dress the same as before but it didn't feel like me anymore and the buzzcut felt pretty weird teamed with the smart dresses and heels I was wearing. I feel my most comfortable dressed alternative or sporty but I felt like I was having to dress extra girly to compensate for my loss of femininity from having no hair (stupid, I know).

It wasn't until I became more comfortable with myself that I started to challenge these views. I was watching Party Monster one day (if you haven't seen it yet you need to!) and it dawned on me that there was no need to keep on trying to be someone else anymore. Wearing makeup every day and living in a push up bra wasn't me, it was as though I was playing a character. I knew I would be so much happier if I stopped caring about what people think and if I just dressed like my androgynous self.

People were definitely confused at first, admittedly it must have looked like quite a big change, but for me I was just finally being myself. It's crazy how much we let other peoples opinions dictate us, when in reality most people don't care at all about us or what we wear, they're more concerned about themselves and how we are perceiving them.

Shaving my head was the best thing I've ever done in terms of finding myself. It's extremely liberating and although it was scary at first, I ended up loving myself more than I ever thought I could.

Now that I've started to grow my hair, people have been asking if I regret my decision to shave it and I find it really funny. When I had my long, blonde hair it was constant upkeep, stress and anxiety that it would go wrong or become damaged.
I've spoken before about my anxiety linked with cutting my hair, I would be on the verge of a panic attack over the hairdresser suggesting I get an inch off the ends. Now luckily I have no attachment to my hair, it's not a mask for me to hide behind anymore. I'm excited to grow it out, but I know that if I ever have a bad haircut in the future I would be completely fine.

Another bonus has been getting rid of the blonde and having my own hair colour for the first time in seven or eight years. I used to hate it, but now I couldn't be happier to see my natural hair. I'm excited to see how it will grow and what texture it will be because honestly it's been so long I can't remember!

I think that if anyone has a strong urge to shave their head then they should go for it.
It's not traumatic like people make out it is and hair doesn't define someone and it certainly doesn't define a persons gender.
It's hard not to pick up my clippers and shave it off again because having short hair is the easiest and most comfortable thing, but I will persevere and hopefully grow it in to a short bob!

This has taken me almost a week to write because I didn't know how to word certain things, so I hope that it all makes sense and that I didn't deviate too far from my point!

Thank you for reading!

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