Go and get your dream job

Today I woke up and almost skipped out of bed.

I always have Mondays off work, so I don't have that deep set hatred that most 9 to 5'ers seem too, but I've never properly appreciated the day. Usually I'll lie in bed, scrolling through my Instagram feed until I get the energy to throw some clothes on and go the park with the dog, then I'll be back in my pj's within five minutes of walking through the door.

But this morning was different, even the cold and rain didn't bring me down.

Today was my boyfriend Mike's first week since he finished at his old job.

You may be wondering why Mike starting a new job is so life changing for me and I know it may seem dramatic, but with my partner in crime being out of the house for most of the week whilst I'm working part time, it can get more than lonely.

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Last year I faced my fears and left my zero hour contract job to start somewhere I knew I would love. My previous job was unstable at times but I would be earning a pretty penny most weeks and that guaranteed wage can make you feel quite comfortable, even though the job itself is awful (yes, I was a Vegan working at McDonald's).

When I took the leap and committed to my new job I knew straight away it was the right choice and even on the coldest, darkest mornings I would still have a smile on my face as I was catching the 6am bus.

But that got me thinking, why doesn't everyone just go and do a job that they love?

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People were generally understanding when I changed my job and the few concerns about my drop in hours with going part time were quickly dispelled when I reiterated that I'd finally have a stable schedule and a job that I love rather than that zero hours BS.

However with Mike starting his new job there has been a lot more confusion and family members have been more concerned about money than just being happy that he's found a job that he will love!

I really struggle to understand the normality of being normal. Working five days a week behind a desk in an office until you retire, is that really living life?

I understand people work jobs they hate in order to fund their adventures and that they basically "live for the weekend" but I can't help but believe that every day should be amazing.

People are so obsessed with money that they put it before their happiness and I just can't grasp the concept.

People are never concerned about other peoples household income but suddenly it's the first thing that's brought up when you start a fun job or your "dream job". We will soon be better off financially than we have ever been, but even if we would make less money following our dreams would that be such a bad thing?

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I didn't actually intend for this post to turn in to the rant that it has, I'm just really passionate about people stepping outside of the "norm" and finding something that they love (I get to work in a rock climbing gym, I mean that's enough proof that life is awesome!).

To summarise you should go and quit your job, pack a bag and travel the world (just kidding, but if that is what you want to do then go for it!)

I don't do many personal posts like this, because it's pretty scary to be so honest and vulnerable, but I really enjoy writing them and they always get the most views so maybe I should push myself more!

Thank you so much for reading...

Image sourced from Pinterest

How I'm overcoming my anxiety

I realise that the title of this post is very optimistic, not everyone is able to fight their anxieties. But I honestly can't imagine having to deal with my mental issues for the rest of my life and I plan on doing everything I can to overcome them!
I have improved massively over the past few weeks, so I wanted to share some of the things that I'm doing and just generally track how far I've come on my journey.

Literature

When I shared my blog post explaining my anxiety I was almost immediately receiving messages with book recommendations from people. Reading these books has made the biggest positive changes so far.
Being able to relate and understand exactly what the author is discussing has definitely reminded me that I'm not alone and applying the advice to my own life has completely fueled my progress. So far I have read "Self-help for your nerves" Dr Clare Weekes, the book explains the different variations of mental breakdowns and the steps that can be taken. The book is filled with different stories that relate to each point the author is making and it's extremely inspirational reading how people have overcome their depression and anxiety.
I'm currently reading "Feel the fear and do it anyway" Susan Jeffers and so far I'm feeling empowered and ready to face my fears and never allow them to control me like they have in the past.

Rest and respite

Of course the obvious tip when you are stressed and anxious is to take time for yourself.
I know a lot of the time for me clearing my mind has been near impossible, and there would always be thoughts racing no matter what, but it's important to relax and forget about the worries for as long as you possibly can. Guilt free "me time" is so important.
Some things I like to do when I need to unwind...

• Have a candle lit bubble bath and play some relaxing music (I reccomend Nick Allbrook's solo album, Ganough, Wallis & Fatuna... he and the album are both perfect!)

• Put on some clean bedding and have a duvet day with a good book or some Netflix.
• Go for a walk and get some fresh air. I've even started running with the dog when I'm up to it.
• Meditate and take time to concentrate on your breathing.
• Go for a coffee and do some people watching or flick through a magazine.

Think health

When I was at my worst with my anxiety I watched the Secret documentary and it became clear to me how negative I was being and how I was dwelling on my fears and therefore creating more and more fear. I was allowing every little thing to upset me and blaming it on my anxiety and almost encouraging it.
So immediately I began to believe I was healthy and happy and had no fears whatsoever. As cheesy as that sounds it has really worked for me, if I'm being negative at all I just take a breath and try to get back to the higher vibration. Listen to some positive music, be in nature or cuddle your pet (or a teddy bear!), it will all get you back to that positive mental state!

How could I be sad with this ball of fluff around?!

Keep a journal

Writing down and really exploring your feelings is so important! Of course I am able to do this on my blog, but I think having a diary or journal that's for your eyes only is extremely helpful. No judgement, no fears, just writing down whatever ramblings you have for the day or writing about your victories for the day, however big or small!
In my journal I write about all of my goals and my aspirations and I personally like to keep it as a positive space, because in reality it can be difficult to be so positive about yourself and to tell others about your crazy huge life goals, so it's great to have somewhere to write exactly how you feel!

My moon bear from Hanjipan designs

I know I can't tackle my demons overnight, but I'm willing to do everything in my power to live a life free of fear!

Please comment with any other tips or things that you have done that have helped with your anxiety, I would love to read about other peoples experiences!

Instagram @wolvesandflames

I feel like I'm drowning...

Photo by Ccm Studio (Nick Michael)

I'm having a really difficult time lately and I feel like I need to vent and get some of my feelings out. I kind of touched upon this in my "Why I didn't go to University" post, but I kept my emotions aside and tried to just get my points across simply.

I've ignored how reclusive I've been over the past few years and put it down to wanting to spend time with my family but honestly I have been constantly restricted by my anxieties and fears. I have turned down holidays, festivals, nights out and a multitude of incredible experiences and now I'm here filled with doubts and regret.

At the time it wasn't clear to me, but now looking back it's obvious that I allowed fear to control my life. I don't know what label to put on how I felt, depression? anxiety? All I knew was any time I had plans that were out of my control I would spend the entire lead up thinking of every possible thing that could go wrong and in the end I would disregard it altogether and wrap myself in my duvet surrounded by the safe familiarity of home.

Now that I'm finally trying to overcome this, I haven't got these opportunities any more. Friend's stopped bothering to invite me along to things years ago, it must have gotten pointless to them as my answer would always be no, or I would say yes and the fears would overtake me and I'd eventually cancel.

This year has been a constant battle to stop these feelings, I took a new job, started saying yes to going out, tried connecting with new people and pushing myself to take classes and practise new things. Yes I still have days when the anxiety is so bad that I can't even leave the house to take the dog for a walk, but now they are few and far between. It doesn't come easy though, I am constantly psyching myself up to do things, pushing myself, not allowing another option.

I'm happier with my new found confidence, but I'm still overtaken by past regrets and my constant fear of getting older. I know that it's stupid and I'm only 22, but it's scary to think how fast life can pass when I'm not embracing every opportunity that comes my way. I guess I just miss the simplicity of being 17, going to college a few days a week and having no real responsibilities or stresses.

If I could go back with the mindset I have now, I would in a heartbeat. I just have the constant urge to run away from everything but I have to remind myself I have so many amazing things already and of course I have my entire life to still do mad shit that I think I've missed out on.

I guess I'm just having a particularly bad day and instead of having all of this circulating in my head I thought I'd vent in the form of this post.

Of course I know most people experience what I'm feeling, wanting to be someone else, look a different way, live in another era (The 70's duh), but sometimes it is more than just a small urge and the feelings overtake and you feel like you're drowning.

I've wrote most of this post on a blurry screen through tears, so clearly I'm particularly emotional today, but it still applies and even if only one person reads this and realises that they aren't the only ones feeling shitty like this than that's good enough for me.

Sorry to anyone who has had to try really hard to get me to do something in the past and thank you to the people that are giving me the opportunity to push myself and do cool things now and in the future. In the past I would never have thought I could get decent at rock climbing or try out modelling. It's an exciting time...

Instagram @wolvesandflames