I cut off my hair!

I've been having a bit of an identity crisis over the last few months, not knowing what clothes I should wear and feeling uninspired to do my hair and make up.

One of my favourite YouTuber's All Dolled Up uploaded a video explaining why she shaved her head, with all of her pro's and con's and I was obsessed! I ended up spending the next few hours watching video's of women shaving their hair and talking about their experiences. I knew pretty much straight away that I was going to do it, but for some reason I was worried about what my family would think.

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On Christmas day I asked my family what they thought about me cutting my hair off and after they realised it wasn't a joke everyone was supportive and interested.
My mum was especially keen since she's been suggesting I get a Mohawk since I was 16!

I don't know what it was exactly that made me be so drawn to the idea of completely shaving my head.

I always trust my instincts completely and I knew that because the idea was so prominent and I couldn't get it out of my mind, I had to do it.

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After a week of obsessively finding photo's of women with buzzcut's I was ready to go the barber's. When I showed the barber the picture I had for inspiration of Agyness Deyn she was in shock, she was worried I'd cry or hate it but I had no doubt's whatsoever.

Because my roots were only small she had to shave it quite short to get all of the blonde out and I ended up at a number two.

Seeing my natural hair colour after bleaching it for the last 4 years was the craziest thing, but I immediately loved my new buzzcut!

 It's been four days since I had it cut and I couldn't be happier. I honestly don't know if I will keep it shaven or grow it out slightly in to a pixie cut but at the minute I'm loving having it super short and I'm feeling more beautiful than I ever have hiding behind long hair.

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I'm going to write a longer post soon talking about my pro's and con's and also how peoples reactions have been, so check back soon if you're interested!

Thank you for reading! Would you ever shave your hair off?

Instagram @wolvesandflames

2016 Goals

I'm not usually one for New years resolutions but I do have a few goals that I want to accomplish in the New year. I'm excited to feel the January motivation and to buy a brand new 2016 diary!

Blog in a proper schedule
The plan is to blog three times a week and plan out all of my posts in advance. I haven't decided what days I'm going to post yet but hopefully by having set days I'll be more prepared and less lazy!

Go on holiday
My boyfriend Mike passed his driving test last week and we will be getting a car soon so I can't wait to have more freedom! It's been a few years since we've been on holiday so I'm excited to be able to drive to the mountains or sunny France and to bring my fur baby Sabbath along.

Have an art exhibition
I've really pushed myself to get back in to painting lately and I want to go one step further and push myself to put on an exhibition! I will have to work hard for this goal, not only to get all of the artwork together, but also dealing with my shyness and anxiety. I'm determined to achieve this!

Eat healthier and train harder
Of course, the obvious resolution is to be healthy! I'm pretty good at eating well but I just need to be more consistent and probably eat more fruit. Also my fitness goals are on track so I just plan on carrying on as I am! Maybe I'll do an updated post on my workout routine soon.

Learn to drive
Pretty self explanatory, I'm annoyed that I've put it off for so long but I need to face my fears and get some independence. As scary as it seems I just need to go for it. It will take me one step closer to my white Lincoln Continental dream car as well!

I hope Christmas doesn't fly by too fast, but I am looking forward to 2016 and hopefully I can stick to my resolutions/goals this year...

What are your resolutions for the New year?

Instagram @wolvesandflames

Go and get your dream job

Today I woke up and almost skipped out of bed.

I always have Mondays off work, so I don't have that deep set hatred that most 9 to 5'ers seem too, but I've never properly appreciated the day. Usually I'll lie in bed, scrolling through my Instagram feed until I get the energy to throw some clothes on and go the park with the dog, then I'll be back in my pj's within five minutes of walking through the door.

But this morning was different, even the cold and rain didn't bring me down.

Today was my boyfriend Mike's first week since he finished at his old job.

You may be wondering why Mike starting a new job is so life changing for me and I know it may seem dramatic, but with my partner in crime being out of the house for most of the week whilst I'm working part time, it can get more than lonely.

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Last year I faced my fears and left my zero hour contract job to start somewhere I knew I would love. My previous job was unstable at times but I would be earning a pretty penny most weeks and that guaranteed wage can make you feel quite comfortable, even though the job itself is awful (yes, I was a Vegan working at McDonald's).

When I took the leap and committed to my new job I knew straight away it was the right choice and even on the coldest, darkest mornings I would still have a smile on my face as I was catching the 6am bus.

But that got me thinking, why doesn't everyone just go and do a job that they love?

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People were generally understanding when I changed my job and the few concerns about my drop in hours with going part time were quickly dispelled when I reiterated that I'd finally have a stable schedule and a job that I love rather than that zero hours BS.

However with Mike starting his new job there has been a lot more confusion and family members have been more concerned about money than just being happy that he's found a job that he will love!

I really struggle to understand the normality of being normal. Working five days a week behind a desk in an office until you retire, is that really living life?

I understand people work jobs they hate in order to fund their adventures and that they basically "live for the weekend" but I can't help but believe that every day should be amazing.

People are so obsessed with money that they put it before their happiness and I just can't grasp the concept.

People are never concerned about other peoples household income but suddenly it's the first thing that's brought up when you start a fun job or your "dream job". We will soon be better off financially than we have ever been, but even if we would make less money following our dreams would that be such a bad thing?

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I didn't actually intend for this post to turn in to the rant that it has, I'm just really passionate about people stepping outside of the "norm" and finding something that they love (I get to work in a rock climbing gym, I mean that's enough proof that life is awesome!).

To summarise you should go and quit your job, pack a bag and travel the world (just kidding, but if that is what you want to do then go for it!)

I don't do many personal posts like this, because it's pretty scary to be so honest and vulnerable, but I really enjoy writing them and they always get the most views so maybe I should push myself more!

Thank you so much for reading...

Image sourced from Pinterest

November goals

I can not believe that it's already November, before we know it 2016 will be here (scary). I have a really exciting month ahead, so I thought I'd set myself some goals to keep me on track!

Be brave

I feel like this could be a goal of mine for every month, for the rest of my life. I'm constantly pushing myself to try new things and face my fears, it's hard but definitely worth it. Generally I want to make more plans to meet friends and family, but more specifically I want to face my fears and do more rock climbing with ropes and also be braver with my modelling and the content I'm putting out!

Fitness

I've really got back in to my fitness routine now and I'm doing some form of exercise every day and really pushing myself when I'm bouldering. I plan on improving my flexibility, stretching several times a day. I can't wait to be able to do the splits, it just might take a while to get there!

Box off Christmas

I say this every year, but I am determined to have all of my Christmas presents bought and wrapped come December 1st. I've started to take note of what everyone wants and get a plan together of how much I will spend and where!
I'm so excited to have our first Christmas in the new house, so it will be nice to have everything sorted and not have any stressful last minute trips to town like we usually do!

Always carry a sketchbook

I've been a bit lazy with my art lately and I've continuously put off making new things. I've been quite uninspired and generally lazy and so I want to go out with a sketchbook and find some inspiration. The plan is to visit galleries, museums, parks and get my groove back!

Be more conscious of time

I have been known to spend days in my pajamas (currently it's 4pm and I'm still not dressed), but now I think I need to be more organised with what I'm going to do each day and plan in advance what needs doing each day of the week in terms of blogging and errands.
My boyfriend has started a new job so once he works his notice I'm going to be able to spend a lot more time with him and have help with housework and have him as my blog photographer more often than he can be currently! I'm seriously so excited because I've hardly seen him over the past few months, I'm so proud of him!


Instagram @wolvesandflames

How I'm overcoming my anxiety

I realise that the title of this post is very optimistic, not everyone is able to fight their anxieties. But I honestly can't imagine having to deal with my mental issues for the rest of my life and I plan on doing everything I can to overcome them!
I have improved massively over the past few weeks, so I wanted to share some of the things that I'm doing and just generally track how far I've come on my journey.

Literature

When I shared my blog post explaining my anxiety I was almost immediately receiving messages with book recommendations from people. Reading these books has made the biggest positive changes so far.
Being able to relate and understand exactly what the author is discussing has definitely reminded me that I'm not alone and applying the advice to my own life has completely fueled my progress. So far I have read "Self-help for your nerves" Dr Clare Weekes, the book explains the different variations of mental breakdowns and the steps that can be taken. The book is filled with different stories that relate to each point the author is making and it's extremely inspirational reading how people have overcome their depression and anxiety.
I'm currently reading "Feel the fear and do it anyway" Susan Jeffers and so far I'm feeling empowered and ready to face my fears and never allow them to control me like they have in the past.

Rest and respite

Of course the obvious tip when you are stressed and anxious is to take time for yourself.
I know a lot of the time for me clearing my mind has been near impossible, and there would always be thoughts racing no matter what, but it's important to relax and forget about the worries for as long as you possibly can. Guilt free "me time" is so important.
Some things I like to do when I need to unwind...

• Have a candle lit bubble bath and play some relaxing music (I reccomend Nick Allbrook's solo album, Ganough, Wallis & Fatuna... he and the album are both perfect!)

• Put on some clean bedding and have a duvet day with a good book or some Netflix.
• Go for a walk and get some fresh air. I've even started running with the dog when I'm up to it.
• Meditate and take time to concentrate on your breathing.
• Go for a coffee and do some people watching or flick through a magazine.

Think health

When I was at my worst with my anxiety I watched the Secret documentary and it became clear to me how negative I was being and how I was dwelling on my fears and therefore creating more and more fear. I was allowing every little thing to upset me and blaming it on my anxiety and almost encouraging it.
So immediately I began to believe I was healthy and happy and had no fears whatsoever. As cheesy as that sounds it has really worked for me, if I'm being negative at all I just take a breath and try to get back to the higher vibration. Listen to some positive music, be in nature or cuddle your pet (or a teddy bear!), it will all get you back to that positive mental state!

How could I be sad with this ball of fluff around?!

Keep a journal

Writing down and really exploring your feelings is so important! Of course I am able to do this on my blog, but I think having a diary or journal that's for your eyes only is extremely helpful. No judgement, no fears, just writing down whatever ramblings you have for the day or writing about your victories for the day, however big or small!
In my journal I write about all of my goals and my aspirations and I personally like to keep it as a positive space, because in reality it can be difficult to be so positive about yourself and to tell others about your crazy huge life goals, so it's great to have somewhere to write exactly how you feel!

My moon bear from Hanjipan designs

I know I can't tackle my demons overnight, but I'm willing to do everything in my power to live a life free of fear!

Please comment with any other tips or things that you have done that have helped with your anxiety, I would love to read about other peoples experiences!

Instagram @wolvesandflames

Halloween Series #2 My fortune telling experience

 I was always nervous about visiting a psychic, I was worried they would warn me that I was about to get dumped or tell me to visit the doctor because they envisioned an illness.
When the opportunity came for me to have my fortune read a few years ago, I decided to have some fun and try it out!

The woman who did my reading was really sweet and funny. We started with her shuffling her Tarot cards and getting me to pick out ten from the pack. She then lay them out and began to give me the reading. I honestly didn't know what to expect going in to it. I'm a very open minded and spiritual person, but at the same time I wasn't going to just believe everything that she said.  

She started off by talking about my boyfriend Mike and how serious our relationship is and she described his job and his personality exactly right, so that got me feeling a bit more open to the situation.

She then went on to describe me as an artist and told me that I would be retraining in something creative. At the time I had just finished studying art and design for two years and I was in the process of signing up for a beauty and special effects makeup course. I was trying not to give away too much detail but at the same time I  was confirming that what she was saying was right, so maybe I was giving things away?

Next she spoke about me signing important documents, so that could have been referring to me moving in to my first flat with my boyfriend a few months later.

The comment that excites me the most meant nothing to me at the time. She told me that my career would be online and I would work from a computer. At the time I thought that was ridiculous because when she said that all I imagined was me working a boring office job and that is something that I could never imagine myself doing.
To write this post I found an old diary that I knew I would have written about the psychic experience in and when I read three years later about her mentioning the computer I just couldn't believe it. Maybe she knew about my blog before I did?!

She also pulled several cards about me having children and about me taking time from work in the future to raise them. At the time I was excited about that because it's exactly what I always wanted, but things have changed and I honestly don't think I want children so now I'm just thankful that this prediction hasn't happened!

It was a really awesome experience and I do definitely reccomend visiting a fortune teller that you have heard good things about! Now I'm eager to have another reading and see if I can have another thought provoking experience!

Comment letting me know you're opinion on fortune tellers and if you've had any experiences yourself! I'd love to hear them...

Instagram @wolvesandflames

I feel like I'm drowning...

Photo by Ccm Studio (Nick Michael)

I'm having a really difficult time lately and I feel like I need to vent and get some of my feelings out. I kind of touched upon this in my "Why I didn't go to University" post, but I kept my emotions aside and tried to just get my points across simply.

I've ignored how reclusive I've been over the past few years and put it down to wanting to spend time with my family but honestly I have been constantly restricted by my anxieties and fears. I have turned down holidays, festivals, nights out and a multitude of incredible experiences and now I'm here filled with doubts and regret.

At the time it wasn't clear to me, but now looking back it's obvious that I allowed fear to control my life. I don't know what label to put on how I felt, depression? anxiety? All I knew was any time I had plans that were out of my control I would spend the entire lead up thinking of every possible thing that could go wrong and in the end I would disregard it altogether and wrap myself in my duvet surrounded by the safe familiarity of home.

Now that I'm finally trying to overcome this, I haven't got these opportunities any more. Friend's stopped bothering to invite me along to things years ago, it must have gotten pointless to them as my answer would always be no, or I would say yes and the fears would overtake me and I'd eventually cancel.

This year has been a constant battle to stop these feelings, I took a new job, started saying yes to going out, tried connecting with new people and pushing myself to take classes and practise new things. Yes I still have days when the anxiety is so bad that I can't even leave the house to take the dog for a walk, but now they are few and far between. It doesn't come easy though, I am constantly psyching myself up to do things, pushing myself, not allowing another option.

I'm happier with my new found confidence, but I'm still overtaken by past regrets and my constant fear of getting older. I know that it's stupid and I'm only 22, but it's scary to think how fast life can pass when I'm not embracing every opportunity that comes my way. I guess I just miss the simplicity of being 17, going to college a few days a week and having no real responsibilities or stresses.

If I could go back with the mindset I have now, I would in a heartbeat. I just have the constant urge to run away from everything but I have to remind myself I have so many amazing things already and of course I have my entire life to still do mad shit that I think I've missed out on.

I guess I'm just having a particularly bad day and instead of having all of this circulating in my head I thought I'd vent in the form of this post.

Of course I know most people experience what I'm feeling, wanting to be someone else, look a different way, live in another era (The 70's duh), but sometimes it is more than just a small urge and the feelings overtake and you feel like you're drowning.

I've wrote most of this post on a blurry screen through tears, so clearly I'm particularly emotional today, but it still applies and even if only one person reads this and realises that they aren't the only ones feeling shitty like this than that's good enough for me.

Sorry to anyone who has had to try really hard to get me to do something in the past and thank you to the people that are giving me the opportunity to push myself and do cool things now and in the future. In the past I would never have thought I could get decent at rock climbing or try out modelling. It's an exciting time...

Instagram @wolvesandflames

Staying motivated to exercise...

Over the past few years I've gone from someone that went the gym a few times a month to someone who exercises in some form every single day. I still have a long way to go on my fitness journey but I thought I'd share a few tips that have helped me along so far!

Make a playlist

Like most people, music is a vital part of my life and I've found that listening to the right music will make you push that bit harder when exercising.

Create a playlist with all of your favourite songs that get you psyched and ready to go. Make sure you mix it up often and always have your phone/I pod charged for impromptu workout sessions!

Do what you love

I have truly found my passion in rock climbing. I would climb everyday if I could, we even plan our holidays around the boulders we're going to climb.

But before I started bouldering I was the complete opposite, my workout routine was flaky, I would stick to something for a few months and then I would hit a wall and stop exercising altogether. You just need to find your passion and then exercise will never be a chore!

It might be something simple like running, or something exciting like parkour, be adventurous and try as many new fitness classes as you can!

Buy cute workout clothes

I know it sounds cheesy, but it's an obvious one for us fashion obsessed. Having a wide variety of sports bras, trainers and yoga pants that you actually want to wear is really important. There's nothing worse than wanting to go the gym and all you have are some baggy 3/4 tracksuits and your old tongue twister K Swiss trainers from year 10 P.E.

On my lazy days off work I find that putting on some nice leggings and a structured vest will motivate me to exercise, even if it's just running in the park with the dog (instead of letting him pull me around as usual).

Set goals

It's important to challenge yourself when exercising and setting goals is really helpful. I will usually aim to improve flexibility, stamina and it has been vital in my fitness journey.

Be realistic with your goals, I will set myself small targets so that I can't fail, but it is still rewarding to see progress however small it is!

Friendly competition is also great for this, my boyfriend Mike and I are currently in a battle to be the first one to do the splits, it might take a few months but I am definitely motivated to kick his ass!

Just make sure your goals are reasonable and don't over exert yourself, there's nothing fun about getting injured... 

This was just a quick post to hopefully inspire and help people on their fitness journey, remember we all have to start somewhere...

Instagram @wolvesandflames

Things I'm loving #1

That 70's Show

I go through phases of binge watching series on Netflix when I get home from work (as I'm sure most people do!). Lately I've been revisiting my childhood and obsessively watching That 70's show. The 70's trend is in full swing at the minute and so I'm swooning over Donna's collection of flares and Jackie's Farrah inspired hair.

I love watching shows like this that don't need a huge amount of concentration because it allows me to get some work done even though I have the TV on.
Although it's hard to concentrate on working when Hyde is on screen, he is foxy...

Pole dancing

Image source Pinterest (I'm not photo worthy yet)

I've dreamed of swinging around a pole for many years now, but I was such a weakling that I could never have left the ground. So ever since I've mastered the art of pull up's, I've been eager to find out if pole dancing was a possibility.
I've been rock climbing for a while with a friend Jo, who I knew was an incredibly talented pole and areal fitness instructor and so I finally built up the courage to attend one of her beginners courses.

I think signing up for the course (and actually turning up) is the difficult part! I was so nervous going in to the gym and when I stood next to the pole and tried some of the beginner moves it felt so alien! Luckily everyone in the class was in the same position and we laughed our way through, helping each other feel less vulnerable and more confident.

Jo is lovely and watching her climb and spin around the pole with ease is so inspiring.
I am actually obsessed, at the end of the class I get upset that it's over and I can't wait to get my own pole at some point!

Seriously no matter what fitness level you're at I reccomend giving pole a go, it's fun, social, empowering and an amazing workout.
Just be prepared for the bruises... so many bruises...

If you're in the Liverpool or Birkenhead area then check it out!
Jo's Facebook
Jo's Instagram

Iced coffee

This isn't necessarily a new obsession of mine but lately I have found myself relying on coffee more and more to keep me going through the day.
I always buy a large, iced latte with soya milk and my favourite on the go coffee shop to visit has to be Costa because the cups are nice and big!
That first sip is the best...

I've spent a fair bit of money on this slight addiction recently so I'm considering investing in a coffee machine for home to save money in the long run (and so I can tackle my cravings from home!).

My new bag

I was in need of a new day to day bag and the one I had my eye on sold out from Asos. This left me wandering around town looking for a chic, structured bag that would see me through to Winter.

As always I wandered in to Primark and fell in love with their new season collection. This bag is particularly perfect, with lots of room and pretty gold detailing but there were also lots of other bags in store that I was crushing over, so I definitely suggest you check them out.

The fluffy key ring was only £2 (also from Primark) and it adds some interest to the otherwise quite simple bag.

Instagram @wolvesandflames

My adult brace journey so far...

5 weeks difference!

I got my braces removed when I was 14 and within six months I had allowed my teeth to start to creep back to the crooked arrangement they were at before. I was stupid, lazy and had no idea that the problem would escalate so quickly!

I would avoid wearing my retainer at all costs when I was out with my friends and would then forget to put it back in at night, did I mention how stupid I was!

So over the past 7 years I've gotten more and more self conscious of my twisted teeth and I got used to covering my mouth every time I laughed so people couldn't see (I'm still in this habit now so I need to work on breaking that).

When I googled "braces in Liverpool" the best reviews were all coming from The Liverpool brace place on Duke Street and so for several days I kept returning to the website and looking at the gallery of incredible "before and after braces" photo's.  Finally  I was convinced that braces were the right decision for me and I rang up and booked in for a consultation.

Before and after gallery

To secure my consultation I paid a fee of £100 and they assured me that this would be deducted from the overall price if I chose to go ahead with the procedure.

When I arrived the staff were so friendly and helpful. Firstly I discussed my insecurities with my teeth and what I wanted to to fix with the brace, I told her how I was confident with my bottom teeth but I hated how my lateral incisors were much higher than the rest of my top teeth.

I was then taken for an x ray and the principal orthodontist Dr Patel reviewed them and checked over my teeth. He assured me that braces would work well for me and I would only need to have them fitted for around a year!

They took photographs of my teeth from several angles in order to track the progress of the brace journey (and I couldn't believe how awfully crooked my teeth looked).
The next step was talking me through brace options, costs and payment plans. 

I was shown examples of the different braces that would work for me, firstly the normal metal train track style braces (price starting from £1000), the next option is tooth coloured ceramic braces (from £1250) and lastly the lingual braces that sit behind of the teeth so they can't be seen (from £3500).

I chose to go with the ceramic braces and we spoke about the costs and I decided to pay over 15 months. I was booked in for the next week to get them fitted and I was buzzing with excitement!

On the big day I arrived about 15 minutes before my appointment and I was quickly taken to have moulds of my teeth done. It wasn't fun having the plastic dig in to my gums and it took her a few goes to get them perfect but it was over quickly.

Straight away I was in the chair and the orthodontist applied a glue to each of my teeth, even with a warning of how disgusting the glue would taste, I still wasn't prepared! The glue tasted like sour sweets (which I hate!)
 and with my mouth wide open I was almost choking. Next the orthodontist carefully placed a bracket on to each one of my upper teeth and set them with a UV light. The wire is then attached to each bracket by tying it with elastics (the elastics can be any colour you desire, but I'm sticking with the clear ones to keep it as discreet as possible). The excess wire was trimmed  and then I was all done!

I was given a bag filled with dental goodies and even a free Colgate electric toothbrush and I was shown a quick video explaining how I should brush and care for my braces.

Later that day I was fully anticipating the pain, it was about 5 hours later when it really kicked in. My Nan made some delicious soup so I could eat, but it still took me an hour to sip down the small bowl full.

The pain persisted for a week, I was living on soft food and dosing up on paracetamol at steady intervals throughout the day. The pain was honestly agonising, especially since I live on toast. A few days after getting the braces fitted I made a nice soft meal of scrambled tofu, of course adding the delicious ingredient of turmeric. When I finished I went to brush my teeth like after every meal, only to see that my braces had turned completely yellow... the turmeric!
I had been warned that eating strong coloured spices was risky and so I should avoid tomato based dishes and curry, but stupidly I had already forgotten this detail.
I vigorously brushed but it was too late.

It was a full seven days before the pain settled, but I grind my teeth when I sleep so I don't think the pain would last that long for others.

I lived my life with stained braces until five weeks later when I was due to get my braces tightened. The tightening process was literally so quick, I was in and out in about two minutes. The orthodontist just changed my stained elastics and tightened the wire.
Luckily there was no pain afterwards and I could eat as normal!

I couldn't be happier that I went ahead with getting the braces. Especially after seeing the comparison photo's I took of just five weeks difference!
I'm so excited to see the change over the next year....

I will do an update post when they're off and if you have any questions in the meantime just let me know!
Thanks for reading

Instagram @wolvesandflames